Whats in the church, but not the steeple, The minister has it, but not the people ?
The letter 'R'.

What is the difference between a cat and a match ?
One lights on its feet, the other lights on its head.

What goes 99 thumb, 99 thump ?
A centipede with a wooden leg.

Why couldn't the mountain climber call for help ?
Because he was hanging by his teeth.

Why is an empty purse always the same ?
Because there is never any change in it.

What part of a clock is always old ?
The second hand.

What are two things you can never have for breakfast.
Lunch and dinner.

Why did the computer get arrested ?
Because it was robbing the memory bank.

Why did the boy wear a wet shirt all day ?
Because the label said 'wash and wear'.

What sound does a whale make when it cries ?
Blubber, blubber, blubber...