How do little rattlesnakes call home?
Poison-to-poison.

Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground!

Why didn't the skeleton need a telephone?
He had no body to talk with!

Why didn't the mummy want a telephone?
He always got too wrapped up in his calls!

Why did the vampire answer the phone in his pajamas?
He couldn't find his bat robe!

What do you get if you cross a broken telephone with a football player?
A quarterback.

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a ghost?
A phantom caller!

What do you get if you cross a telephone with a hunting dog?
A golden receiver!

What did the cannibal mother say to the cannibal child when he was talking on the phone at dinnertime?
"How many times have I told you not to talk with someone in your mouth?"

What is the proper thing for me to say to a big ugly troll who's talking on two phones at the same time?
Say anything you want - he can't hear you!