What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance?
When they're not home!

When doesn't a telephone work underwater?
When it's wringing wet!

Caller: Operator! Operator! Do you know my boyfriend's line has been busy for an hour?
Operator: No, but if you hum a few bars, I might be able to sing along with you.

What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants?
Bell-bottoms!

Who was that on the phone?
Oh, just a woman saying it was long distance from China. But I told her I already knew that!

Can you telephone from the space shuttle?
Of course I can tell a phone from the space shuttle! The phone's the one with the long cord!

What do you call a large person who constantly calls up people, pretending to be somebody else?
A big phone-y!

What are you doing?
I'm trying to call Washington!
Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!

Fred's phone rang in the middle of the night.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello," said a voice. "Is this Tommy?"
"No," said Fred. "You must have the wrong number."
"Oh, sorry," said the caller. "I hope I didn't wake you."
"Oh, that's okay," said Fred. "I had to get up anyway, to answer the phone!"

How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?
You get a buzzy signal.