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What did the delicatessen sell after it burned down?
Smoked meats.
What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?
"Help! My pocket's been picked."
What did the leopard say when he swallowed the man?
"That hit the spot!"
What did the paintbrush say to the floor?
"One more word and I'll shellac you!"
What did the picture say to the wall?
"I've been framed. "
What did the rug say to the floor?
"I've got you covered."
What diploma do criminals get?
The third degree.
What do you call a man when a Marine sits on him?
A submarine.
What do you call a worn-out rifle?
A shotgun (shot gun).
What ghost haunted the King of England in 18th century?
The Spirit of '76.
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