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Doctor, doctor, what are my chances of losing weight?
Slim, madam.
Doctor, doctor, what do you charge for treating a split personality?
Fifteen pounds each.
Doctor, doctor, what do you recommend for flat feet?
Try a foot pump.
Doctor, doctor, what makes me flush so easily?
It's simply a chain reaction.
Doctor, doctor, what's the best way to stop my nose running?
Stand on your head.
Doctor, doctor, when I get up in the morning, I'm always dizzy for half an hour.
Try getting up half an hour later.
Doctor, doctor, will my measles be better next week?
I don't like making rash promises.
Doctor, doctor, will you give me something for my head?
Thanks all the same -I already have one.
Doctor, doctor, you know those pills you gave me for my stomach?
What about them?
They keep rolling off in the middle of the night!
Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running ?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up !
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch !
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