Why did the girl's granny knit her three socks for Christmas?
Because she wrote to say she had grown another foot.

Why did the girl tear the calendar?
Because she wanted to take a month off.

What relation is a child to its own father when it's not its own father's son?
Daughter.

Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
So she could sleep like a log.

When is a chair like a woman's dress?
When it is satin.

Why did the girl sit on her watch?
She wanted to be on time.

What kind of star wears sunglasses?
A movie star.

Luke had it first, Paul had it lost; boys never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it again. What is it?
The letter L.

Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
She wanted to see how long she slept.

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?
She wanted a big wedding.