Jane was telling her friend about her vacation in Switzerland. Her friend had never been to Switzerland, and asked, 'What did you think of the scenery?'
'Oh, I couldn't see much,' Jane admitted. 'There were all those mountains in the way.'

Auntie Gladys bought herself a new rear-engine continental car. She took an old friend for a spin, but after only half a mile, the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car. 'Oh, Gladys,' said her friend, 'you've lost your engine!'
'Never mind dear,' said auntie. 'I've got a spare one in the trunk.'

Girl to friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to come out tonight. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.

Aunt Muriel received a letter one morning and after reading it burst into floods of tears.
'What's the matter?' asked her friend.
'Oh dear,' sobbed Auntie, 'It's my favourite nephew. He's got three feet.'
'Three feet?' exclaimed her friend. 'Surely that's not possible?'
'Well,' said Auntie, 'his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot!'

'Why did you come back early from your vacation?' one of Susie's friends asked her.
'Well, on the first day we were there one of the chickens died and that night we had chicken soup. The next day one of the pigs died and we had pork chops...'
'But why did you come back?'
'Well, on the third day the farmer's father-in-law died. What would you have done?'

A friend in need is - someone to avoid!

Girl to friend: My mum is suffering from minor neurosis. Everytime she sees my school report, she faints.

The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing if off to a friend. 'This clock,' he said, 'will go for fourteen days without winding.'
'Really,' replied his friend. 'and how long will it go if you do wind it?'

'I hope this plane doesn't travel faster than sound,' said the girl to the stewardess.
'Why?'
'Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why.'

I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?
That's right, Sir.
So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?
That was my dentist.