Charley: My cat likes to drink lemonade.
Farley: Golly, he sure must be a sourpuss.

Stan: Did you ever find your cat ?
Dan: Yep, he was in the refrigerator.
Stan: Gosh, was he OK ?
Dan: More than OK, he's a cool cat !

Ben's dad was building a pine bookshelf and Ben was watching and occasionally helping. ' What are the holes for ?' Ben asked.
'They're knot holes,' said his dad.
'What are they, then, if they're not holes ?' asked Ben.

What's the difference between a peeping Tom and someone who's just got out of the bath?
One is rude and nosey. The other is nude and rosey!

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, 'Don't you dare use that kind of language in this house.'
'William Shakespeare did,' replied Ben.
'Well, then, you'd better stop going around with him,' said mum.

Harry: Please may I have another pear, Miss Smith ?
Teacher: Another, Harry ? They don't grow on trees, you know.

Did you hear what Dumb Donald did when he offered to paint the garage for his dad in the Summer vacation?
The instructions said put on three coats, so he went in and put on his jacket, his raincoat and his overcoat.

Dick and Jane were arguing furiously over the breakfast table. ' Oh you're so stupid!' shouted Dick.
'Dick!' said their father, 'that's quite enough of that! Now say you're sorry.'
'OK,' said Dick. 'Jane, I'm sorry you're stupid.'

Mum: How can you practice your trumpet and listen to the radio at the same time ?
Son: Easy. I have two ears!