Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer.
Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

A garbage man was walking along whistling while balancing a garbage can on his head and one one each shoulder.
'How do you manage to do that?' asked Jane.
'It's easy,' replied the garbage man. 'Just put your lips together and blow.'

Biology teacher: What kinds of birds do we get in captivity?
Janet: Jail birds, Miss!

Mother: Did you enjoy the school outing, dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really ? Why's that ?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.

'Did you thank Mrs Pillbeam for teaching you today?' Janie's mum asked her when she came home from school.
'No I didn't. Mary in front of me did Mrs Pillbeam said 'Don't mention it', so I didn't.

Teacher: Are you good at arithmetic?
Mary: Well, yes and no.
Teacher: What do you mean, yes and no?
Mary: Yes, I'm no good at arithmetic.

Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Mary. When I was your age I ate every one.
Mary: Do you still like crusts, Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, I do.
Mary: Well, you can have mine.

Jane: Do you ever do any gardening?
Wayne: Not often. Why?
Jane: You look as if you could do with some remedial weeding.

Mary: I've a soft spot for you.
Harry: Really?
Mary: Yes, in the middle of a bog!

Mary: There's no point in telling you a joke with a double meaning.
Cary: Why not?
Mary: You wouldn't get either of them.