Jack And The Beanstalk Jokes |
Do giants eat Englishmen with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately! |
How did Jack know how many beans his cow was worth?
He used a cowculator! |
Jack stole a golden harp from the giant. Why couldn't he play it?
Because it took a lot of pluck! |
Jack was always a grubby boy. You know what they say?
You can lead a boy to water but you can't make him wash! |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fifi.
Fifi who?
Fifi fiefie fofo fum I smell the blood of an Englishman! |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sarah.
Sarah who?
Sarah giant living here? |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There there ... giants don't cry! |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Egbert.
Egbert who?
Egg but no chicken! |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Godfrey.
Godfrey who?
Godfrey tickets to the Giant's Ball. Want to come? |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Paul.
Paul who?
Paul the rope and raise the drawbridge please! |
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Hugh.
Hugh who?
Yoo-hoo yourself! |
| Never mind the golden eggs did you know that battery chickens lay electric eggs? |
On which side of the house did Jack grow the beans?
On the outside! |
The giant could smell an Englishman a mile away, so he knew that there was an intruder in the castle. The gates were locked, so how had Jack got inside?
Intruder window! |
What did the beanstalk say to Jack?
Stop picking on me! |
What do you call a contented giant?
One that's fed up with Englishmen! |
What do you get if you cross Jack's chicken with a road-builder?
I don't know, but wherever it works the streets are laid with gold! |
What goes: MUF OF EIF IF?
A giant walking backwards! |
What is higher than a giant?
A giant's hat! |
What is the difference between Jack and the dead giant?
One has beans, the other is a has-been! |
What would you call a golden egg in a frying-pan?
An unidentified frying object! |
Where was the first bean found?
On a beanstalk! |
Where was the first beanstalk found?
Growing in the ground! |
Which part of an Englishman does a giant find hard to swallow?
His stiff upper lip! |
Why did Jack's cow have horns?
Because its bell |
Why did the chicken lay golden eggs?
Because if she dropped them they would dent the floor! |
Why didn't the giant have any teeth?
Because he slept with his head under the pillow and the fairies took them! |
Why was there always a conversation going on in the garden?
Because Jack and the beans talk! |
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