Why did the jelly fish's leave him ?
He stung her into action.

What did the executioner say to his girlfriend ? Only thirty chopping days to Christmas !

First man: My girlfriend eats like a bird.
Second man: You mean you hardly eats a thing ?
First man: No, she eats slugs and worms.

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while - then it fell off.

Doctor, Doctor, my girlfriend thinks she's a duck.
You'd better bring her in to see me straight away.
I can't do that, she's already flown south for the winter.

Two cannibals were having lunch. 'Your girlfriend makes a great soup,' said one to the other.
'Yes!' agreed the first. 'But, U'm going to miss her terribly.'

A man who forgets his girlfriend's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

Freddie had persuaded Amanda to marry him, and was formally asking her father for his permission. 'Sir,' he said, 'I would like to have your daughter for my wife.'
'Why can't she get one of her own ?' asked Amanda's father

Do you think, Professor that my girlfriend should take up the piano as a career ?
No, I think she should put down the lid as a favour.

Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh, doctor, my girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three or four weeks' time?